Where was I when I settled for less in my relationships?
Where was I when I finally woke up?
It’s quite interesting how we stumble through life sleepwalking, and one day if we are lucky, we finally wake up and wonder where the heck we’ve been. I was missing in action for about three years of my life, maybe more. We get so caught up in reactive mode and live the same life day after day that we don’t even realize we’re missing. Does this sound familiar? You know everyone gave me advice as a new mom, and one of the common things I heard was “forget about the housecleaning, dishes and chores; your kids will grow up before you know it”. Well, they were right! For most of my marriage, I was in survival mode, and one of the ways I escaped was to clean and organize. I guess my thinking was that if everything was in order when chaos happened, the chaos might be easier to handle. Looking back on it, my thinking was flawed. I’ve extracted myself from two unhealthy relationships, and now I know I am on the right path. No sleepwalking for me anymore! When I was contemplating the idea of grandchildren, I had a strong urge to buy play dough, crayons and coloring books and bubbles. I realized that those were the things I missed out on when my kids were young. Instead I was cleaning, cooking and doing laundry. Maybe I have a second chance with the grandkids to recapture what I felt I missed out on. Hopefully my children know that I did the best I could, and I am proud that I did what I did. I tell my clients all the time of the story about when I finally woke up. I was sitting in the garage, sorting through a drawer of school papers that the kids had brought home over the years. I was saving all of their report cards because that was something my mom had done for me. I had gone through the whole drawer and I was missing two years worth of report cards. In that moment, I realized I had been sleepwalking for several years because I was not happy in my current relationship. The feeling smacked me right across the face. I remember saying out loud “Where have I been”? What other things had I let slip by or not paid attention to. I felt like a horrible mother at the time. It’s taken me awhile to work past the guilt of making some of the decisions I made in life. I still feel a twinge here and there, but for the most part it made me who I am today. I have two wonderful children who have picked wonderful partners to share their life with, and I myself have a wonderful partner to share mine with. Life does go on. My intention is to not have any more moments in which I ask myself “Where was I when?”
Command Your Clutter is a professional organizer providing services in Clearwater, PalmHarbor, Tarpon Springs and Tampa. For more information, go to our web site www.CommandYourClutter.com
or call (727) 420-1746.